i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
