he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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