just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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