dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
