Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
