You work out of a Hotel?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
