I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
