great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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