Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize