is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
