I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
