and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
