I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
