It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
