I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
