i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
