Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
