would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
