If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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