oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize