i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
