I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
