Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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