you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize