i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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