So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
