Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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