There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
