you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
