this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
