i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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