Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
