I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
