i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
