I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
