They should really pass out barf bags in church
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
How's work?
Spinning.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
