Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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