I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I will pee on everything he values.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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