i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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