What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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