so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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