Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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