i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
