I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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