NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
