he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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