I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
