Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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