Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
