I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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